Okay, I've been holding out on talking about it but I think its time I tell you all what's been happening.
In the early part of January, 2015, I slid into a nearly inescapable depression that kept me in its grips for nearly two weeks. And when I say depression I mean NOTHING gave me any joy and I stayed locked away in my room doing nothing but sleeping and watching cartoons to numb the pain (it didn't help I had such severe stomach pains along with the mental and emotional problems). The reasoning as far as I can gather is because I've been slowly feeling like I'm losing control over my own life: most of my real life friends were leaving, my family was very distant, I had few outlets for my creative endevors (computer stopped working and needed to be fixed), no response on the job front, etc. Needless to say all these stresses were too much to take and I finally crashed.
Now, after those initial first two weeks, I've been slowly recovering from the "incident" and trying to return to normal life. I am by no means back to normal (I'd say I'm functioning at about 45% as far as mental and emotional wellness go) and I'm rather scared I may never get back to the same mental state I was before, but it is a day to day battle. Some days I start to truly feel like my old self, the next I relapse a bit back into that horrible mind set, others I end up some where between. It doesn't help almost anything can trigger my sliding back into depressed state and I have to really fight to stay at a stable level. Please do not inquire further then this, I'm really not comfortable talking about it further then this and only was updating you a bit to the situation so you could understand where I'm coming from.
That being said, I have no intention of lying down and accepting this as my lot in life. I'm trying to work on a few art projects and making some progress there and better yet have been working on a writing progress (and actually getting some where with it). I've also decided to step up my game on the job front and try applying to more places: but only to the ones I choose, no more letting my parents picking my life. That brings me to another matter, I really need to get on moving out. My parents have been the defining factor that lead to my depression and misery for the last couple of years and I think some distance will do us both good. Right now, without a solidified job or better option, I have to bid my time till I can leave. I know some people are trying to push to just move out now an screw the consequences but that isn't a option as it likely see me worst off (most of my friends who could take me in are worst off financially then me and I have no relatives that live nearby). And the sooner the better, my mom will be retiring within the year and I can't stand her.
On one final note, I'll be meeting with life coach tomorrow (my parents thought THIS is what would help my depression) and I hope she can help me with the job search or recommend a good therapist. Things are far from good right now for me and I'm still attempting to pick up the pieces of my shattered soul and find meaning once more, but I refuse to lie done and let this be my fate. I intend to return to a happy life I once lived were I saw wonder and reason in everything. After the darkest, longest night comes the dawn and I intend to meet it with head held high.
Thank you my dearest friends and give me your best wishes.